Brian S. Vaughan
Hand Crafted Ceremonies
Hand Crafted Ceremonies
Hand Crafted Ceremonies
Whther it's a religious ceremony, a civil ceremony, a same-sex union, or a ceremony that is unique to you, Brian will help you create a ceremony that reflects your specific taste and values.
Below is a comprehensive guide to building a ceremony. It includes many sample readings from various traditions and cultures.
Please browse through it to see which elements look good to you.
Below is a comprehensive guide to building a ceremony. It includes many sample readings from various traditions and cultures.
Please browse through it to see which elements look good to you.
A Guide to Creating Your Wedding Ceremony
Description of Elements in the Wedding Ceremony
Following is a brief description of the purpose/meaning of the elements that form a wedding ceremony:
Processional: The ceremony begins with music that plays as everyone proceeds to their place for the wedding. Contemporary brides and grooms are doing many creative things with this option; we will discuss the options when we meet.
Opening Words: These words welcome the guests who are attending and explain the purpose of this gathering. These words also set the tone for the ceremony.
Invocation: This is a short prayer to invoke God's presence In a non-theist ceremony, the invocation serves to remind all who are present of the spiritual dimension of the occasion (e.g., see 2.1.3.).
Interrogation: A traditional question that asks is the bride and groom are entering into marriage of their own free will and not as the result of coercion.
Presenting of the Bride/Couple: Traditionally, this is the part of the service in which the bride is given by her father (and sometimes also the mother) in marriage. The selections included here favor the word "present" in place of "give", with the presentation including both bride and groom.
Recognition of Families/Friends: This recognition has evolved as an alternative to "giving the bride away." It offers the bride and groom an opportunity to recognize and thank their parents, families, and friends. This part of the ceremony can also be used as a remembrance of a parent or other special person who has died.
Recognition of Children from a Previous Marriage: In the formation of a blended family, it is often helpful to have the children participate in the service so that they, too, feel a valued part of this major change in their lives.
Readings: The readings speak to the meanings of love, of relationships, and of marriage. They include scripture (both Jewish and Christian), poetry, pose, and writings from various world religions. They are intended to invite a deeper reflection of the values that will shape your marriage. Feel free to find any readings that you like from other sources, too.
Homily: The homily is a short address about the challenges and possibilities of marriage that is addressed primarily to the bride and groom. Much of my homily will come from talking to you about your relationship during our meetings.
Unity Candle: The unity candle is a symbolic way of underscoring that two lives through marriage join to create one life together. This is also a nice opportunity for some special music.
Wine Ceremony: The wine ceremony is an integral part of a Jewish wedding ceremony and is becoming more popular in general. In the Jewish tradition, after the wine has been drunk by the bride and the groom, the cup is wrapped in a cloth towel. At the end of the service it is placed on the floor and is broken by the groom stepping on it. This represents the destruction of the temple which forced Jews to enter a new life together. Thus it symbolized a break with the past. Unless the couple comes from Jewish families, the breaking of the cup is usually omitted.
Charge to the Couple: These words precede the exchange of vows and remind the couple of the importance of the vows they are about to make.
Vows: A promise that the bride and groom make to each other that form the basis of their commitment to each other.
Ring Ceremony: The ring ceremony can have up to four parts, as follows:
Presentation of Rings: Asked what token the couple offers as a symbol of their vows/love, they respond: "These rings."
Blessing of the Rings: The minister blesses the rings (if so desired).
The Meaning of the Rings: A brief statement about the meaning of the rings as being both a sign and symbol of the marriage.
Pledge as Rings are Exchanged: A brief sentence or two that is said as the bride and groom place a ring on each other's finger.
Prayer: A short prayer that conveys hope for a long and rewarding marriage. This may be followed by the congregation say the Lord's Prayer.
Concluding Statement: In those cases where a couple does not want a prayer, a concluding statement is used to convey the best wishes of all present.
Declaration of Marriage: These are the words by which the couple are declared to be married.
Benediction: These words, which close the ceremony, are intended to send the couple off with the best wished of the congregation.
Wedding Kiss Enjoy!
Recessional: The music played as the bride and groom depart. Other members of the wedding party then follow and guests are ushered out. Don't forget to plan what happens immediately AFTER the ceremony. Will there be a receiving line? Photos?
*A note on the minister’s vestments: Some of the photos on this web page show Brian in a stole which features symbols from Judaism, Christianity and Unitarian Universalism. If this is not to your taste, there are several others from which you may select including a plain white one. If vestments (the robe) seem too formal for you, Brian will be happy to dress according to your vision for your wedding.
Section 1.0. Opening Words (choose one)
1.1. Dearly Beloved, we are gathered as family and friends of ____________and______________to witness their joining in that estate of marriage which men and women have entered responsibility and joyfully, with full anticipation of its faithful keeping. Before us these two shall profess their love for each other, the blending of their lives, and their comradeship of mind and heart. As two separate beings they shall create one home in which each in his and her own way shall become more complete because of the other. From joys and sorrows shared they shall grow in love and loyalty; from any pain given and forgiven they shall grow in mutual understanding. What the church (OR this gathering) now celebrates, and the state makes legal, these two shall henceforth make real. -J. Donald Johnston
1.2. On behalf of ____________and____________, I welcome you to this special moment in their lives. When two people gather together with their families and friends to participate in a wedding ceremony, it is to celebrate what in fact has already occurred. Emotionally, they have been married before today, but they are here now to publicly declare the love already present and guiding their relationship into the future.
It is fitting and appropriate that you, the families and friends of __________and________ are here to witness and participate in their wedding; for the ideals, the understanding, and the mutual respect which they bring to their marriage, have their roots in the love, friendship and guidance given to them by you. Marriage make us aware of the changes wrought by time, but the new relationship will continue to draw much of its beauty and meaning from the intimate associations of the past. Let us celebrate the now and future of their love. -Composite
1.3. Awed by the many meanings of this hour and overjoyed by its promises, we hope that a spirit of trust, understanding, and love will be with __________and__________ through all the years that lie ahead. Whatever trials and tribulations come, may they trust each other completely, for without such faith marriage is a mockery; may they understand each other, for without understanding there is neither acceptance nor forgiveness; and may they truly love each other, for without love marriage is just an empty shell.
As they create a new life and home, may that home be bright with the laughter of family and friends; may it be a haven from the tensions of life and a wellspring of strength; and in all the world may it be the one place they most want to be.
So may this shining hour be an open door through which __________and__________ go forth to create a happy, loving marriage. May time treat them gently; walking together may they find far more in life than either would have found alone; and even more fully may they come to know this one supreme truth: that caring is sharing, that living is giving, that life is eternal and that love is its crown.
-from a selection by W. Waldemar W. Argow (adapted)
1.4. Because they wish to dedicate themselves unto each other, and because they seek the greater joy that comes when two become joined in body, mind and spirit, _________ and __________ come seeking the greater fulfillment of their lives in marriage. The presence of each of you here, and the spirit and memories of those separated from us, make this moment special. -Composite
1.. This is a time we set apart: apart from the ordinary and routine; apart from the ongoing rush of life.
This is a time set apart in the lives of these two people: a time for reflection and commitment; a time for beginnings and promises; a time of celebration; a time which they have invited us to share.
This is a place set apart: apart from the familiar and commonplace: apart from the swirling currents of humanity.
This is a place set apart for the gathering of this unique community of people: a place of welcome and remembrance; a place of witnessing and sharing; a place of hope and promise; a place in which we, together life this but once, gather to celebrate the now and the future of ____________'s and ___________'s love. - from a selection by Elizabeth Banks
1.6. Assembled friends, witnesses to the miracle of love, out of affection for _______ and __________, we have gathered together to touch them with out hearts and our hopes, as they speak their love for and commitment to each other.
To this moment they bring the fullness of their hearts, a treasure to be shared. They bring dreams that pierce their souls, a personality and a spirit, uniquely their own, and out of which, we pray, will grow the reality of their togetherness.
We greet you on behalf of _________ and __________, their parents and families, and call upon you to support them in their sacred resolve and to share this and all the joys God will bestow upon them. -from a contemporary Jewish wedding
2.1.0. Invocation (optional)
2.1.1. God, author and giver of all that is good, we ask that you look with favor on this ceremony and bless those assembled here. May the holiness of this moment remain with ____________ and __________ through a lifetime of living as they walk together in faith, hope and love.
2.1.2. God of all beauty, source of all blessings, and giver of all mercies, we gather here, united by a common devotion. We give thanks for the trust and affection that have brought _________ and _________ to this place and hour to be joined together in holy matrimony. We rejoice in the freedom of adventure, in the depth of affection, and in the radiance of loyalty which unites beloved to beloved. Be with them as companion as they enter into their pilgrimage of faith, hope and love. Amen. -James Luther Adams, adapted
2.1.3. As we stand here at the altar of life, where life is touched by love, and love by life, we share with these two who are taking their marriage vows, their newfound happiness. We see the door open for comradeship and mystery, for growth and fulfillment.
So we pray that they may each bring their whole and best self to the other. May they bring intelligence as well as faith, to the task that is set before them May they maintain enduring trust and respect, remembering that to understand all is ever to forgive all. -James Zacharias
2.2.0. Chalice Lighting (a Unitarian Universalist tradition)
2.2.1. As the flame burns brightly in this chalice, may love brightly in our hearts.
2.2.2. May the light we now kindle inspire us to use our powers to heal and not to harm, to help and not to hinder, to bless and not to curse, to serve You, Spirit of Freedom.
-from a Passover Haggadah
2.2.3. Let this flame by to us a symbol of the holiness we seek; its brightness dispelling gloom, lighting a path to faith and hope; its glow reminding us of the sacred bonds which link us to all people. --from Gates of Prayer, adapted
Section 3.0. Question to the Couple
3.1 ____________ and _____________, of all the men and women you know, you have chosen each other. Knowing what you know of each other and trusting in what you do not know yet, are you now ready to marry? Bride & Groom: We are.
3.2. ___________ and _____________, have you come here freely and without reservation to give yourselves to each other in marriage? Bride & Groom: We have.
3.3. ___________, will you have _________ as your wife/husband, to live with her/him in love and loyalty from this moment forward? Response: I will.
3.4. Do you, ___________. of your own free will and consent take ____________ to be your wife/husband and do you promise to love, honor and cherish him/her for the rest of your life? Response: I do.
Section 4.0. Presenting of the Bride/Couple, Recognition of Families, Friends, and/or Children from a Previous Marriage
4.1.0. Presenting of the Bride/Couple
4.1.1. Who presents this woman to be married to this man?
Father of the bride: Her mother and I do.
4.1.2. As our sons and daughters find partners and establish the homes of the next generation, each family is enlarged. Do you, who have nurtured these two, bestow your blessings on their marriage? Parents: We do.
4.1.3. Will you, their parents, grant them your blessings and pledge them your love and acceptance? Parents: We will.
4.1.4. Do you stand with this couple to bestow the approval of their families and friends? Response: I/We do.
4.2.0. Recognition of Families/Friends
4.2.1. In the act of marriage the fabric of two families becomes interwoven. The resulting tapestry draws on the richness of traditions, memories, and relationships that have been nurtured for years. _____________ and _____________ lovingly recognize and thank their families for their blessings, love and acceptance.
4.2.2. Will the parents of the bride and groom please stand. In the act of marriage the fabric of two families becomes interwoven. The resulting tapestry draws on the richness of traditions, memories, and relationships that have been nurtured for years. Will you give ____________ and ____________ your love and support? Parents: We will.
4.2.3. At this time _________ and ____________ would like to honor their families and friends. To our parents: ___________ & ______________ and ____________& ___________, we thank you for the values you have us and the many sacrifices you made while raising us. You have been a source of inspiration in our lives, and we honor you today. To our friends gathered here, and to those who cannot be here, we value your friendship, and hope that these friendships will grow in the coming years.
4.2.4. Will both families please rise: At this time ___________ and __________ would like to give special recognition to their families. All of you have guided and encouraged ___________ and _____________ to this moment in their lives. You have passed onto them a richness of traditions, a lifetime of memories, and relationships that have been nurtured for years. Will you bestow upon them your blessings? Response: We will.
4.2.5. At this time, ___________ and ___________ wish to give special recognition to their families who have nurtured them and brought them to this time and place. _____________ and _____________ have come out of your family circles. They are living expressions of your love. They have been blessed by your affection and guided by your counsel. It is their desire to link your two family circles while honoring the heritage of each.
4.3.0. Recognition of Children from a Previous Marriage
4.3.1. Very much involved in __________'s and ___________'s love are these lovely children ____________ & _____________. They are a special part of this ceremony in themselves and in the family, already formed, that they symbolize. We wish for these children lives filled with love and happiness.
4.3.2. [Child's/children's name (s)], you have come with your mother/father for her/his marriage to ___________. Your life will be changed in untold ways by this moment. Do you say yes to this marriage, and do you welcome __________ as part of your family?
5.1.0. Scripture
5.1.1. Psalm 1, adapted by Stephen Mitchell
Blessed are the man and the woman
who have grown beyond themselves
and have seen through their separations.
They delight in the way things are
and keep their hearts open, day and night.
They are like trees planted near flowing rivers,
which bear fruit when they are ready.
Their leaves will not fall or whither.
Everything they do will succeed.
5.1.2. Psalm 128, adapted
Happy is everyone who loves the Lord,
who walks in his ways,
You shall eat the fruit of the labor
of your hands;
you shall be happy, and it shall
go well with you.
Your wife will be like a fruitful vine
within your house;
your children will be like olive shoots
around your table.
Thus shall the man be blessed
who loves the Lord.
5.1.3. Song of Solomon 8:6-7a
Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm;
for love is strong as death,
passion fierce as the grave.
Its flashes are flashes of fire,
a raging flame.
Many waters cannot quench love, neither can floods drown it.
5.1.4. Song of Solomon 2:8-14, 16a
The voice of my beloved!
Look, he comes,
leaping upon the mountains, bounding over the hills.
My beloved is like a gazelle or a young stag.
Look, there he stands behind our wall,
gazing in at the windows,
looking through the lattice.
My beloved speaks and says to me:
"Arise, my love, my fair one, and come away;
for now the winter is past, the rain is over and gone.
The flowers appear on the earth;
the time of singing has come,
and the voice of the turtledove
is heard in our land.
The fig tree puts forth its figs,
and the vines are in blossom;
they give forth fragrance.
Arise, my love, my fair one, and come away.
O my dove, in the clefts of the rock,
in the covert of the cliff,
let me see your face,
let me hear your voice;
for you voice is sweet, and your face is lovely.
My beloved is mine and I am his.
5.1.5 I Corinthians 13
If I speak in the tongues of mortals and angels, but do not have love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give away all my possessions, and if I hand over my body so that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; its is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never ends. But as for prophecies, they will come to an end; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will come to an end. When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I reasoned like a child; when I became an adult, I put an end to childish ways. For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then we will see face to face. Now I know only in part; then I will know fully, even as I have been fully known. And now faith, hope and love abide, these three; and the greatest of these is love.
5.2.0. Poetry
5.2.1. Sonnet 116, William Shakespeare
Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O, no! it is an ever-fix'd mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come;
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error, and upon me prov'd,
I never writ, not no... {one} ever lov'd.
5.2.2. by e.e. cummings
love is the voice under all silences;
the hope which has no opposite in fear;
the strength so strong mere force is feebleness;
the truth more first than sun more last than star.
5.2.3. "The Master Speed" by Robert Frost
No speed of wind or water rushing by
But you can have speed far greater. You can climb
Back up a stream of radiance to the sky,
And back through history up the stream of time.
And you were given this swiftness, not for haste
Nor chiefly that you may go where you will,
But in the rush of everything to waste,
That you may have the power of standing still--
Off any still or moving thing you say.
Two such as you with such a master speed
Cannot be parted not be swept away
From one another once you are agreed
That life is only life forevermore
Together wing to wing and oar to oar.
5.2.4. Untitled by Roy Croft
I love you/Not for what you are
But for what I am/When I am with you.
I love you/Not only for what
You have made of yourself
But for what /You are making of me.
I love you/For the part of me
That you bring out.
I love you
For putting your hand/Into my heaped-up heart
And passing over/All the foolish, weak things
That you can't help/Dimly seeing there,
And for drawing out/Into the light
All the beautiful belongings
That no one else has /Looked quite far enough to find.
I love you because you/Are helping me
To make of the lumber of my life
Not a tavern/But a temple;
Out of works of my every day
Not a reproach/But a song.
5.2.5 -from Sonnets from the Portuguese
by Elizabeth Barrett Browning
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of every day's
Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight.
I love thee freely, as {people}... strive for Right.
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints--I love thee with the breadth,
Smiles, tears, of all my life!...
5.2.6. -from "The Country of Marriage" by Wendell Berry
...our life reminds me
of a forest in which there is a graceful clearing
and in that opening a house,
an orchard and garden,
comfortable shades, and flowers...
The forest is mostly dark, its ways
to be made anew day after day, the dark
richer than the light and more blessed,
provided we stay brave
enough to keep on going in...
5.2.7. -from "Rabbi Ben Ezra" by Robert Browning
Grow old along with me!
The best is yet to be,
The last of life, for which the first was made:
Our times are in his hand
Who saith, "A whole I planned,
Youth shows but half; trust God: see all, not be afraid!"...
5.2.9. -from "Song for a Country Wedding" by William Jay Smith
We have come in the winter
To this warm country room,
The family and friends
Of the bride and the groom,
To bring them our blessing,
To share their joy,
And to hope that years passing the best measures employ
To protect their small clearing,
And their love be enduring
5.2.11. -from "The Divine Comedy" by Dante
translated by Stephen Mitchell
The Love of God, unutterable and perfect,
flows into a pure soul they way that light
rushes into a transparent object.
The more love that it finds, the more it gives
itself; so that, as we grow clear and open,
the more complete the joy of loving is.
And the more souls who resonate together,
the greater the intensity of their love,
for, mirror-like, each soul reflects the others.
5.3.0. Prose
5.3.1. -from Adam Bede by George Eliot
What greater thing is there for two human souls than to feel that they are joined for life, to strengthen each other in all labour, to rest on each other in all sorrow, to minister to each other in all pain, to be one with each other in silent memories...
5.3.2. -from Memories of Childhood and Youth by Albert Schweitzer
We are each a secret to the other. To know one another cannot mean to know everything about the other means to feel mutual affection and confidence, and to believe in one another. We must no try to force out way into the personality of another. To analyze other is a rude commencement, for there is a modesty of the soul which we must recognize just as we do to that of the body. No one has a right to say to another: "Because we belong to each other as we do, I have a right to know all your thoughts." No even a mother would treat her child in that way. All demands of this sort are foolish and unwholesome. In this matter giving is the only valuable process; it is only giving that stimulates. Impart as much as you can of your spiritual being to those who are on the road with you, and accept as precious what comes back to you from them.
5.3.3 . -from Gift from the Sea by Anne Morrow Lindbergh
When you love someone you do no love them all the time, in exactly the same way, from moment to moment. It is an impossibility. It is even a lie to pretend to. And yet this is exactly what most of us demand. We have so little faith in the ebb and flow of life, of love, of relationships. We leap at the flow of the tide and resist in terror its ebb. We are afraid it will never return. We insist on permanency, on duration, on continuity; when the only continuity possibly, in life as in love, is in growth, in fluidity-in freedom, in the sense that the dancers are free, barely touching as they pass, but partners in the same pattern.
The only real security is not in owning or possessing, not in demanding or expecting, not in hoping, even. Security in a relationship lies neither in looking back to what it was in nostalgia, nor forward to what it might be in dread or anticipation, but living in the present relationship and accepting it as it is now. ...One must accept the security of the winged life, of the ebb and flow, of intermittency.
5.3.4. -from Gift from the Sea by Anne Morrow Lindbergh
A good relationship has a pattern like a dance and is built on some of the same rules. The partners do not need to hold on tightly, because they move confidently in the same pattern, intricate but gay and swift and free, like a country dance of Mozart's. To touch heavily would be to arrest the pattern and freeze the movement, to check the endlessly changing beauty of its unfolding. There is no place here for the possessive clutch, the heavy hand; only the barest touch in passing. Now arm in arm, not face to face, not back to back--it does not matter which. Because they know they are partners moving to the same rhythm, creating a pattern together, and being invisibly nourished by it.
The joy of such a pattern is not only the joy of creation or the joy of participation, it is also to joy of living in the moment. Lightness of touch and living in the moment are intertwined.
...When each partner loves so completely that they have forgotten to ask themselves whether or not they are loved in return; when they only know that they love and are moving to its music--then, and then only, are two people able to dance perfectly in tune to the same rhythm.
5.3.5. -from a selection by Theodore Parker
It takes years to marry completely two hearts, even of the most loving and well-assorted. A happy wedlock is a long falling in love. Young persons think love belongs only to the brown-haired and crimson-cheeked. So it does for its beginning. But the golden marriage is a part of love which the bridal day know nothing of.
A perfect and complete marriage, where wedlock is everything you could ask and the ideal marriage becomes actual, is not common, perhaps as rare as perfect personal beauty. Very few are married totally, and they only after some forty of fifty years of gradual approach and experiment.
Such a large and sweet fruit is a complete marriage that is needs a long summer to ripen in, and then a long winter to mellow and season in. But a real, happy marriage of love and judgment between a noble man and woman is one of the things so very handsome that if the sun were, as the Greek poets fabled, a god, he might stop the world and hold it still now and then, in order to look all day long on some example thereof, and feast his eyes on such a spectacle.
5.3.6. by Ralph Waldo Emerson, adapted from his essay "Love"
Love is the dawn of civility, and grace and passion remakes the world. It makes all things alive and significant. Every bird on the boughs of the trees sings now to his heart and soul. Almost, the notes are articulate. The clouds have faces and the trees, the weaving grass and the flowers have grown intelligent.
Love prays. It makes covenants with Eternal. The world rolls; the circumstances vary every hour. At last the lovers discover that all which drew them together--those once sacred features, that magical play of charms--had an intended end, like the scaffolding by which the house was built, and the enlarging of heart and soul, from year to year, is the real marriage.
Thus we are put in training for a love which continually grows. And we need not fear that we can lose anything by the progress of the soul. The soul may be trusted to the end. That which is so beautiful and attractive as these relations must be succeeded and supplanted only by what is more beautiful, and so on forever.
5.3.7. by A. Powell Davies
When two individuals meet, so do two private worlds. None of our private worlds is big enough for us to live a wholesome life in. We need the wider world of joy and wonder, of purpose and adventure, of toil and tears. What are we, any of us, but strangers and sojourners forlornly wandering through the nighttime, until we draw together and find the meaning of our lives in one another, dissolving our fears in each other's courage, making music together, and lighting torches to guide us through the dark? We belong together. Love is what we need. To love and to be loved. Let our hearts be open; and what we would receive from others, let us give. For what is given still remains to bless the giver--when the gift is love.
5.3.8 -from The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupery, adapted
"Come and play with me," proposed the little prince.
"I cannot play with you," the fox said, "I am not tamed."
"What does that mean, tame?"
"It is an act too often neglected," said the fox. "It means to establish ties... if you tame me, then we shall need each other. To me, you shall be unique in all the world. To you, I shall be unique in all the world... One only understands the things that one tames... If you want a friend, tame me..."
"What must I do to tame you?" asked the little prince.
"You must be patient," replied the fox. "First you will sit down at a little distance from me--like that--in the grass. I shall look at you out of the corner of my eye, and will say nothing. Words are the source of misunderstandings. Bur you must sit a little closed to me, every day... {and you must} come back at the same hour. ...if you come at just any time, I shall never know at what hour my heart is to be ready to greet you.... One must observe the proper rites."
So the prince tamed the fox.... [It was then that the fox shared a secret with the little prince].
"And now here is my secret, {said the fox} a very simple secret: it is only with the heart that one can see rightly, what is essential is invisible to the eye."
5.4.0. Miscellaneous Selections
5.4.1. -from The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran
You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.
You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days.
Ay, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.
Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.
Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping,
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.
5.4.2. -from Jesus by Kahlil Gibran
Love is a sacred mystery.
To those who love, it remains forever wordless;
But to those who do not love, it may be but a heartless jest.
Love is a gracious host to its guests though to the
unbidden its house is a mirage and a mockery.
Love is a night where candles burn in space,
Love is a dream beyond our reaching;
Love is a noon where all shepherds are at peace and
happy that their flocks are grazing;
Love is an eventide and a stillness, and a homecoming;
Love is a sleep and a dream.
When love become vast, love becomes wordless.
And when memory is overladen it seeks the silent deep.
5.4.3. by Rabindranath Tagore
Send us the love which is cool and pure, like the rain that blesses the thirsty earth and fills
the homely earthen jars.
Send us the love that would soak down into the center of being, and from there would spread like the unseen sap through the branching tree of life, giving birth to fruits and flowers.
Send us the love that keeps the heart still with the fullness of peace.
5.4.4. By Mehere BaBa, contemporary holy man from India
Love springs spontaneously from within, but although love can never be forced from or upon another, it can be awakened through love itself. Essentially, love is self communicative: those who do not have it catch it from those who have it, for one cannot absorb love without making a response. Regardless of the barnacles which may cover a person, the response is stamped by the nature of love. The secret of true love is that it is unconquerable and irresistible. Even the one who resists its approach is lost as he springs to plug the hole through which it is flowing past the walls of his heart. It races behind him, and he turns only in time to find himself surrounded and borne aloft on its irresistible might. True love gathers power and spreads itself until it transforms everyone it touches. Humanity will attain to a new mode of life through the unhampered interplay of pure love as it spreads from heart to heart.
5.4.5. -from the Mahamangala Sutta
These words are from the teachings of Buddha:
Not to follow after the foolish, but to follow the wise, and to honor those who are worthy of honor--this is the highest blessing.
To dwell in a pleasant spot, to have done good deeds in the past, to have set oneself in the right path--this the highest blessing.
To have much learning, to be skilled in handcrafts, well trained in discipline, and pleasing speech--this is the highest blessing.
To be generous in giving, righteous in living, to cherish family and friends, and to do deeds that bring no blame--this is the highest blessing.
To shun evil, to refrain from excess and to be steadfast in virtue--this is the highest blessing.
To be respectful and humble, contented and graceful, and to listen to the Dhamma at the proper times--this is the highest blessing.
Self control, a holy life, discernment of the Noble Truths, and of one's own self to know the goal--this is the highest blessing.
A mind untouched by wordly things, a heart that transcends sorrow, a heart secure and liberated from fear--this is the highest blessing.
5.3.7. by A. Powell Davies
When two individuals meet, so do two private worlds. None of our private worlds is big enough for us to live a wholesome life in. We need the wider world of joy and wonder, of purpose and adventure, of toil and tears. What are we, any of us, but strangers and sojourners forlornly wandering through the nighttime, until we draw together and find the meaning of our lives in one another, dissolving our fears in each other's courage, making music together, and lighting torches to guide us through the dark? We belong together. Love is what we need. To love and to be loved. Let our hearts be open; and what we would receive from others, let us give. For what is given still remains to bless the giver--when the gift is love.
5.3.8 -from The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupery, adapted
"Come and play with me," proposed the little prince.
"I cannot play with you," the fox said, "I am not tamed."
"What does that mean, tame?"
"It is an act too often neglected," said the fox. "It means to establish ties... if you tame me, then we shall need each other. To me, you shall be unique in all the world. To you, I shall be unique in all the world... One only understands the things that one tames... If you want a friend, tame me..."
"What must I do to tame you?" asked the little prince.
"You must be patient," replied the fox. "First you will sit down at a little distance from me--like that--in the grass. I shall look at you out of the corner of my eye, and will say nothing. Words are the source of misunderstandings. Bur you must sit a little closed to me, every day... {and you must} come back at the same hour. ...if you come at just any time, I shall never know at what hour my heart is to be ready to greet you.... One must observe the proper rites."
So the prince tamed the fox.... [It was then that the fox shared a secret with the little prince].
"And now here is my secret, {said the fox} a very simple secret: it is only with the heart that one can see rightly, what is essential is invisible to the eye."
5.4.0. Miscellaneous Selections
5.4.1. -from The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran
You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.
You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days.
Ay, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.
Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.
Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping,
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.
5.4.2. -from Jesus by Kahlil Gibran
Love is a sacred mystery.
To those who love, it remains forever wordless;
But to those who do not love, it may be but a heartless jest.
Love is a gracious host to its guests though to the
unbidden its house is a mirage and a mockery.
Love is a night where candles burn in space,
Love is a dream beyond our reaching;
Love is a noon where all shepherds are at peace and
happy that their flocks are grazing;
Love is an eventide and a stillness, and a homecoming;
Love is a sleep and a dream.
When love become vast, love becomes wordless.
And when memory is overladen it seeks the silent deep.
5.4.3. by Rabindranath Tagore
Send us the love which is cool and pure, like the rain that blesses the thirsty earth and fills
the homely earthen jars.
Send us the love that would soak down into the center of being, and from there would spread like the unseen sap through the branching tree of life, giving birth to fruits and flowers.
Send us the love that keeps the heart still with the fullness of peace.
5.4.4. By Mehere BaBa, contemporary holy man from India
Love springs spontaneously from within, but although love can never be forced from or upon another, it can be awakened through love itself. Essentially, love is self communicative: those who do not have it catch it from those who have it, for one cannot absorb love without making a response. Regardless of the barnacles which may cover a person, the response is stamped by the nature of love. The secret of true love is that it is unconquerable and irresistible. Even the one who resists its approach is lost as he springs to plug the hole through which it is flowing past the walls of his heart. It races behind him, and he turns only in time to find himself surrounded and borne aloft on its irresistible might. True love gathers power and spreads itself until it transforms everyone it touches. Humanity will attain to a new mode of life through the unhampered interplay of pure love as it spreads from heart to heart.
5.4.5. -from the Mahamangala Sutta
These words are from the teachings of Buddha:
Not to follow after the foolish, but to follow the wise, and to honor those who are worthy of honor--this is the highest blessing.
To dwell in a pleasant spot, to have done good deeds in the past, to have set oneself in the right path--this the highest blessing.
To have much learning, to be skilled in handcrafts, well trained in discipline, and pleasing speech--this is the highest blessing.
To be generous in giving, righteous in living, to cherish family and friends, and to do deeds that bring no blame--this is the highest blessing.
To shun evil, to refrain from excess and to be steadfast in virtue--this is the highest blessing.
To be respectful and humble, contented and graceful, and to listen to the Dhamma at the proper times--this is the highest blessing.
Self control, a holy life, discernment of the Noble Truths, and of one's own self to know the goal--this is the highest blessing.
A mind untouched by wordly things, a heart that transcends sorrow, a heart secure and liberated from fear--this is the highest blessing.
Section 6.0. Homily
The minister delivers a short address to you about your relationship and marriage.
Section 7.0 Special Ceremonies (optional)
7.1.0. Unity Candle )
7.1.1. These two candles symbolize the love and warmth that you bring to each other. As you would share the light of your life with each other, now light a candle together. May your marriage, like this candle, shine brightly. May your life be so bright and shining that darkness retreats as you journey together.
(As Emerson said, "From within or from behind, a light shines through us upon things and makes us aware that we are nothing, but the light is all.")
7.1.2. From the separateness of their families, upbringing, experiences and values these two have come. Bringing what is unique about them to this moment, they light this candle as a symbol of a new unity of purpose and shared life even in the midst of their individual lives.
7.1.3. When two people get married, they bring heretofore separate lives and histories to bear on a new and shared existence. Henceforth, a new unity of shared experience will enrich their lives. They light this candle to symbolize the unity of their marriage.
7.1.4. From every human being there rises a light that reaches straight to heaven. And when two souls that are destined to be together find each other, their streams of light flow together, and a single brighter light goes forth from their united being.
-from the Baal Shem Tov
7.2.0. Wine Ceremony (Choose one or more)
7.2.1. Throughout the ages, wine has been used for celebration. At many times and among many peoples, wine has signified life, and a life of plenty. At many times and among many peoples, drinking wine from a common cup has been the mark of a deeper sharing. May you be blessed by life, and a life of plenty. May this cup of wine be a symbol of your lifelong communion of spirit, mind and being.
7.2.2. As the finest wine is composed of both the sweet and bitter, so too is life a mixture of sweetness and bitterness. As you share this cup, may you delight together in life's joy, and support each other in the face of sorrow. May the sharing of this wine be symbolic of the sharing of life that is to be your now and forever more.
7.2.3. Like many Jewish grooms have done throughout the centuries, _________ will break this wine glass under his heel at the end of this ceremony. Let the shattering of the glass symbolize the irrevocable commitment made here tonight.
Groom: I offer this cup of life to you, to share in all of its sorrows and joys.
Bride: I share this cup of life with you, that we may partake of a common life together.
At the end of the wedding ceremony: The groom crushes the glass (wrapped in cloth) with his foot. "In accordance with ancient tradition, we wish that the years of your marriage be not less than the time it would take to fit these fragments together again." OR "Break now the cup of your past and enter your new life together in marriage." (The benediction precedes the breaking of the glass.)
7.2.6. We give you praise to You, Lord, Master of our destinies, Who has created the fruit of the vine.
As together you now drink from this cup, so may you, under God's guidance, in perfect union and devotion to each other, draw contentment, comfort and felicity from the cup of life, and thereby may you find life's joys doubly gladdening, its bitterness sweetened, and all things hallowed by true companionship and love. -from a reformed Jewish wedding service
Section 8.0. Charge to the Couples/Vows
8.1.0. Charge to the Couple (choose one)
8.1.1. The vows that _______ and _______ now exchange give voice and form to their commitment to each other. May their covenant endure.
8.1.2. As you stand here in the presence of God, remember that no other ties are more tender, no other vows more sacred than those you now assume.
8.1.3. You are about to enter into a union which is most sacred and most serious, requiring of those who enter into it a complete and unreserved giving of self. It will bind you together for life in a relationship so close and so intimate that it will profoundly affect your whole future.
That future, with its hopes and disappointments, its successes and its failures, its pleasures and its pains, its joys and its sorrows, is hidden from your eyes.
Love can make it easier, and perfect love can make it a joy. May, then, this love with which you join you hands and hearts never fail, but grow deeper and stronger as the years go on.
-from Exhortation Before Marriage, Collectio Rituum
8.1.3. ___________ and ___________, your separate paths of life join now in a single pathway.
I ask you both (as you stand in the presence of God) to remember that love, loyalty, and understanding alone avail as the foundation of a happy and enduring marriage. So let kind speech and gentle manners and faith and confidence and encouragement keep your love alive. If your vows be kept intact, and if you take seriously your declaration of love, your lives will indeed be full of joy, and the home you are establishing will abide in peace.
-an adaptation by Roger Paine from Methodist and Quaker services
8.1.5. What does it mean to promise to love? It is not to pretend to know with certainty what the future holds. Rather, it is to recognize that you lives together lie open before you, full of risk and possibility, and to commit yourselves, half-sure and whole-hearted, to loving one another, now and in the future. -Allan Zuckoff
8.2.0. Vows (choose one)
(These vows can be recast into the form of a question to which the response would be either I do or I will.)
My pride in you is unsurpassed, and the happiness that you bring to me is unending. You are like a precious gift that keeps on giving. You have fulfilled my life in unique and wonderful ways. I know that I can count on you, for you are helpful, dependable and trustworthy. Your smiles and laughter light up my days, and there's no one else I'd rather spend time with. I wish I could give you everything you could ever want. But all I can promise you is my love, unconditional, complete and forever.
8.2.1. I___________,take you,___________to be my wife/husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part OR as long as we both shall live.
8.2.2.I,___________ take you, _________, to be no other than yourself. Loving what I know of you, trusting what I don't yet know, with respect for your integrity, and faith in your abiding love for me, through all our years, and in all that life may bring us, I accept you as my wife/husband. -Student Religious Liberals
8.2.3. I, _________, take you, ___________, to be the wife/husband of my days, to be the mother/father of my children, to be the companion of my home. We shall keep together whatever share of trouble and sorrow our lives may lay upon us, and we shall hold together our store of goodness and plenty and love. -Kenneth Patton, adapted
8.2.4.
Will you, __________, choose ____________ to be your friend and your love? Will you affirm the relationship you have enjoyed, and look to the future to keep and strengthen it? Will you be hers/his in plenty and want, in sickness and in health, in failure and in triumph? Will you restore her/him if she/he falls; will you share all things; will you cherish and respect her/him; comfort and encourage her/him; be open with her/him; and remain with her/him for as long as you both shall live? Groom/Bride: I will with all my heart.
8.2.5. I, __________, choose you, __________, to be my wife/husband--my friend, my love, the mother/father of our children. I will be yours in plenty and want, in sickness and in health, in failure and triumph. I will cherish you and respect you, comfort and encourage you, and together we shall live, freed and bound by our love. -from a contemporary Jewish wedding.
Section 9.0 Ring Ceremony
9.1.0. Presentation of the Ring(s) (choose one)
9.1.1. What symbols do you offer that you will fulfill these vows?
Bride & Groom: This ring/These rings.
9.1.2. What tokens have you brought with which to pledge your love?
Bride & Groom: This ring/These rings.
9.2.0. Blessing of the Ring (s) (optional) (choose one)
9.2.1. Love is of God; and by the love with which these rings are given and received they shall be blessed.
9.2.2. May the Lord bless these rings which you give to each other as sign of your love and fidelity.
9.2.3. May these rings be a symbol of your faith in each other. May they always remind you of your love, each for the other.
9.2.4. Not as a bond but as a pledge, may these rings encircle your fingers, as your love does each other.
9.3.0. The Meaning of the Ring(s) as a Symbol of the Vows (choose one)
9.3.1. The circle is the symbol of the sun and the earth and the universe. It is a symbol of holiness and of perfection and of peace. In these rings it is the symbol of unity, in which your two lives are now joined in one unbroken circle, in which, wherever you go, you will always return unto one another to your togetherness. -Kenneth Patton
9.3.2. A circle is the symbol of the earth and the universe, of wholeness and perfection and peace. The rings you give and receive this day are the symbols of the endless love into which you enter as husband and wife.
9.3.3. May these rings be forever symbolic of the unbroken circle of love. Love freely given has no beginning and no end, no give and no receiver - for each is the giver and each is the receiver. May these rings remind you always of the vows you have made here today.
-Rudolph W. Nemser (adapted)
9.3.4. May these rings be symbols of the love and devotion that you share. May they remind you of the beauty of the universe and of the gift of your life together. As in the circle of the ring, may your love encircle each other.
9.3.5. The band of gold is a symbol of the purity and sacredness of marriage. The ring, from ancient times, has been a symbol of eternity. So may your marriage be eternally filled with love and mutual respect.
9.3.6. These wedding rings are an outward and visible sign of an inward and spiritual grace, signifying unto all the uniting of this man and this woman in holy matrimony.
9.4.0. Pledge (said as rings are exchanged) (Choose one)
9.4.1. With this ring I thee wed, and join my life with yours.
9.4.2. With this ring I thee wed, and with it I pledge my honor, my love and my life.
-E. Edward Latham
9.4.3. Please accept this ring as a symbol of my love.
9.4.4. This ring I give in token of the loving covenant made this day between us.
Section 10.0 Prayer or Concluding Statement (Choose one)
10.1.0. Prayer
10.1.1. God of Grace and Compassion, we pray for harmony and creativity as well as for love and laughter in their life together; and when there is pain, may there be peace that passes not away. We pray for joy that they will share with other people, and for their home; may it be a temple for that which is beautiful and good and true. As they share the richer experiences of life, so may their hearts and minds and souls be knit ever more closely together. And yet may their bonds of sympathy strengthen their separate personalities. We pray for courage for them when the road is rough, and for humility when fortune favors them. May they carry the past gratefully with them in all the years of their sojourn, and with an equal measure of hope ever face and future unafraid. Amen.
- Dana McLean Greeley
10.1.2. Dear God, support _______ and _______ in keeping the covenant that they have made. Help them to be a blessing and a comfort to each other: to share joy, to console in sorrow and to help each other in all the challenges of life. May they give encouragement in whatever each sets out to achieve. As they trust each other, may they trust life and be not afraid. May they not only express and accept affection between themselves, but may they also have affection and compassion for others. May their knowledge of love deepen as they grow in their relationship with each other and with You. Amen.
10.1.3. Spirit of Life and Love, may these two souls find a communion of ideal being and perfect grace. May their love reach the level of every day's most quiet need. By sun and candlelight, may they love freely as those who strive for right. May they love purely as those who turn from praise. May they find strength to meet adversity; tolerance to resist prejudice; reverence for all that is beautiful; respect for the truth; and faith to met the uncertainty which will come their way. May their days together be strong in promise, full of beauty and blessed with love. Amen.
-from Charles White McGehee and Elizabeth Barrett Browning (adapted)
10.1.5. Out of this tangled world, O God, you have drawn together these two souls, and bound them firmly with the swift sure bonds of love. Their destinies shall now be woven of one design, and their sorrows and their joys shall not be now apart. As they grow in mutual understanding, may their joy stand triumphantly against the storms of circumstance which beat against all doors. From the rich encouragement of their love, may they complete together the unfinished pattern of their true selves. Even as they have chosen each other from all those they have known, so let the days and years of their togetherness deepen the joy of that choice, and make it abidingly true. Amen. -Samuel Miller (adapted)
The prayer may be followed by the Lord's prayer if desired.
10.2.0. Concluding Statement (used in place of a prayer)
10.2.1. Today we are privileged to share with _______ and _______ a moment of supreme joy in the new life they will begin together. It is not our time for exultation, but theirs. Yet we would speak our hopes for them.
In the years ahead may their wisdom be steadily increased, that they may always apply tenderness and strength to the trials they encounter. May they never allow the passage of time to dull the sense of love and devotion they now share.
When new lives are added to the fellowship which is their home, may they give thanks for the blessing of a child and bring it to the fullness of its promise by the same light which not glows in them.
And may they look beyond the limits of their own existence to the world, realizing its just claim upon them. For no marriage can be made complete until a portion of its end is directed toward the ennoblement of humanity. -Anonymous
10.2.2. _______ and ________, may you know great love together. May you strengthen one another in all sorrow, share with one another in all gladness, and be companions to each other in times of the silent and the unspoken. May you bring your whole selves each to the other, that you may have the grace, the skill, and the patience to walk hand in hand and heart in heart upon the journey of life together. May your home help to make the world more homelike; and should you be lost in a maze of circumstance, may there be for you both a way back to the tenderness and beauty of a life together. May the abiding joy that fills those who truly love fill you as well, both now and ever. -J. Donald Johnston (adapted)
10.4.5May the love which has brought you together continue to grow and enrich your lives, bring peace and inspiration to each of you and to those who know you. May you meet with courage the problems that arise to challenge you; may you meet with strength the troubles that beset you. May your marriage be one of ever-growing depth, meaning, and perfection, because of the sympathy, understanding and love which you give to one another in the life you share. -James D. Hunt
Section 11.0 Declaration of Marriage
11.2.1. For as much as _______ and _______ have consented together in wedlock and have witnessed the same before us, have pledged themselves to each other and have declared the same by giving and receiving a ring, I pronounce that they are husband and wife.
11.2.2. _______ and _______ have chosen one another form the many men and women of the earth, have declared their love and purpose before this gathering, and have made their pledges each to the other. Therefore I declare that they are husband and wife.
11.2.3. By virtue of the words spoken in celebration of your relationship, I now pronounce you (husband and wife OR married).
11.2.4. _______ and _______ have spoken their vows to one another, exchanged rings (and taken from the wine of life). They have made their commitment together with much joy. May all that life brings them strengthen the bond they have declared this day. May all their loved ones, those present, and those here in spirit only, continue to rejoice in the warmth of the love that has united them. By the witness of all gathered here, I now declare you husband and wife.
11.2.5. (In Unison by the Congregation) We have gathered today in friendship and in love to celebrate the love which has brought you together and the love which unites us all. May your joy together be great and deep, and may you provide comfort to one another in times of sorrow. With great affection we pronounce you husband and wife.
Section 12.0. Benediction (choose one)
12.1. May the God of love, beauty, and truth, who abides in all and sustains all that is alive and real, be with you both, now and forever more. Amen. -Paul H. Beattie
12.2. The peace beyond understanding, the peace of God, which the world can neither give nor take away, be among us all, and abide in our hearts. Amen.
12.3. May the Lord bless you and keep you. May the Lord make his face to shine upon you and be gracious unto you. May the Lord lift up the light of his countenance upon you and give you peace, now and forever. Amen. Numbers 6: 24-26 (adapted)
12.4. May the blessings of God rest upon you. May God's peace abide with you. May God's presence illuminate your hearts, now and forever more. Amen. -from a Sufi blessing
12.5. May you be comfort and joy, counsel and strength to each other. May the home you create shed its peace upon you both and upon all who enter its shelter with you. Amen.
12.6. Now you will feel no rain,
for each of you will be shelter to the other.
Now you will feel no cold,
for each of you will be warmth to the other.
Now there is no loneliness for you,
now there is no more loneliness,
Now you are two persons,
but there is only one life before you.
Go now to your dwelling place
to enter the days of your years together.
And may your days be good and long upon the earth. -Apache prayer
12.7. May the road rise to meet you.
may the wind always be at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
And the rains fall soft upon your fields.
And through all the days of your life together
May God hold you in the palm of His hand. -Irish Blessing, adapted
12.9. May you carry love forward. May love carry you forward.
Followed by the wedding kiss and the recessional.
Contact Brian to discuss arrangements for your wedding: 540-212-1480 Over 25 years of celebrant experience in the Mid-Atlantic Region.
Following is a brief description of the purpose/meaning of the elements that form a wedding ceremony:
Processional: The ceremony begins with music that plays as everyone proceeds to their place for the wedding. Contemporary brides and grooms are doing many creative things with this option; we will discuss the options when we meet.
Opening Words: These words welcome the guests who are attending and explain the purpose of this gathering. These words also set the tone for the ceremony.
Invocation: This is a short prayer to invoke God's presence In a non-theist ceremony, the invocation serves to remind all who are present of the spiritual dimension of the occasion (e.g., see 2.1.3.).
Interrogation: A traditional question that asks is the bride and groom are entering into marriage of their own free will and not as the result of coercion.
Presenting of the Bride/Couple: Traditionally, this is the part of the service in which the bride is given by her father (and sometimes also the mother) in marriage. The selections included here favor the word "present" in place of "give", with the presentation including both bride and groom.
Recognition of Families/Friends: This recognition has evolved as an alternative to "giving the bride away." It offers the bride and groom an opportunity to recognize and thank their parents, families, and friends. This part of the ceremony can also be used as a remembrance of a parent or other special person who has died.
Recognition of Children from a Previous Marriage: In the formation of a blended family, it is often helpful to have the children participate in the service so that they, too, feel a valued part of this major change in their lives.
Readings: The readings speak to the meanings of love, of relationships, and of marriage. They include scripture (both Jewish and Christian), poetry, pose, and writings from various world religions. They are intended to invite a deeper reflection of the values that will shape your marriage. Feel free to find any readings that you like from other sources, too.
Homily: The homily is a short address about the challenges and possibilities of marriage that is addressed primarily to the bride and groom. Much of my homily will come from talking to you about your relationship during our meetings.
Unity Candle: The unity candle is a symbolic way of underscoring that two lives through marriage join to create one life together. This is also a nice opportunity for some special music.
Wine Ceremony: The wine ceremony is an integral part of a Jewish wedding ceremony and is becoming more popular in general. In the Jewish tradition, after the wine has been drunk by the bride and the groom, the cup is wrapped in a cloth towel. At the end of the service it is placed on the floor and is broken by the groom stepping on it. This represents the destruction of the temple which forced Jews to enter a new life together. Thus it symbolized a break with the past. Unless the couple comes from Jewish families, the breaking of the cup is usually omitted.
Charge to the Couple: These words precede the exchange of vows and remind the couple of the importance of the vows they are about to make.
Vows: A promise that the bride and groom make to each other that form the basis of their commitment to each other.
Ring Ceremony: The ring ceremony can have up to four parts, as follows:
Presentation of Rings: Asked what token the couple offers as a symbol of their vows/love, they respond: "These rings."
Blessing of the Rings: The minister blesses the rings (if so desired).
The Meaning of the Rings: A brief statement about the meaning of the rings as being both a sign and symbol of the marriage.
Pledge as Rings are Exchanged: A brief sentence or two that is said as the bride and groom place a ring on each other's finger.
Prayer: A short prayer that conveys hope for a long and rewarding marriage. This may be followed by the congregation say the Lord's Prayer.
Concluding Statement: In those cases where a couple does not want a prayer, a concluding statement is used to convey the best wishes of all present.
Declaration of Marriage: These are the words by which the couple are declared to be married.
Benediction: These words, which close the ceremony, are intended to send the couple off with the best wished of the congregation.
Wedding Kiss Enjoy!
Recessional: The music played as the bride and groom depart. Other members of the wedding party then follow and guests are ushered out. Don't forget to plan what happens immediately AFTER the ceremony. Will there be a receiving line? Photos?
*A note on the minister’s vestments: Some of the photos on this web page show Brian in a stole which features symbols from Judaism, Christianity and Unitarian Universalism. If this is not to your taste, there are several others from which you may select including a plain white one. If vestments (the robe) seem too formal for you, Brian will be happy to dress according to your vision for your wedding.
Section 1.0. Opening Words (choose one)
1.1. Dearly Beloved, we are gathered as family and friends of ____________and______________to witness their joining in that estate of marriage which men and women have entered responsibility and joyfully, with full anticipation of its faithful keeping. Before us these two shall profess their love for each other, the blending of their lives, and their comradeship of mind and heart. As two separate beings they shall create one home in which each in his and her own way shall become more complete because of the other. From joys and sorrows shared they shall grow in love and loyalty; from any pain given and forgiven they shall grow in mutual understanding. What the church (OR this gathering) now celebrates, and the state makes legal, these two shall henceforth make real. -J. Donald Johnston
1.2. On behalf of ____________and____________, I welcome you to this special moment in their lives. When two people gather together with their families and friends to participate in a wedding ceremony, it is to celebrate what in fact has already occurred. Emotionally, they have been married before today, but they are here now to publicly declare the love already present and guiding their relationship into the future.
It is fitting and appropriate that you, the families and friends of __________and________ are here to witness and participate in their wedding; for the ideals, the understanding, and the mutual respect which they bring to their marriage, have their roots in the love, friendship and guidance given to them by you. Marriage make us aware of the changes wrought by time, but the new relationship will continue to draw much of its beauty and meaning from the intimate associations of the past. Let us celebrate the now and future of their love. -Composite
1.3. Awed by the many meanings of this hour and overjoyed by its promises, we hope that a spirit of trust, understanding, and love will be with __________and__________ through all the years that lie ahead. Whatever trials and tribulations come, may they trust each other completely, for without such faith marriage is a mockery; may they understand each other, for without understanding there is neither acceptance nor forgiveness; and may they truly love each other, for without love marriage is just an empty shell.
As they create a new life and home, may that home be bright with the laughter of family and friends; may it be a haven from the tensions of life and a wellspring of strength; and in all the world may it be the one place they most want to be.
So may this shining hour be an open door through which __________and__________ go forth to create a happy, loving marriage. May time treat them gently; walking together may they find far more in life than either would have found alone; and even more fully may they come to know this one supreme truth: that caring is sharing, that living is giving, that life is eternal and that love is its crown.
-from a selection by W. Waldemar W. Argow (adapted)
1.4. Because they wish to dedicate themselves unto each other, and because they seek the greater joy that comes when two become joined in body, mind and spirit, _________ and __________ come seeking the greater fulfillment of their lives in marriage. The presence of each of you here, and the spirit and memories of those separated from us, make this moment special. -Composite
1.. This is a time we set apart: apart from the ordinary and routine; apart from the ongoing rush of life.
This is a time set apart in the lives of these two people: a time for reflection and commitment; a time for beginnings and promises; a time of celebration; a time which they have invited us to share.
This is a place set apart: apart from the familiar and commonplace: apart from the swirling currents of humanity.
This is a place set apart for the gathering of this unique community of people: a place of welcome and remembrance; a place of witnessing and sharing; a place of hope and promise; a place in which we, together life this but once, gather to celebrate the now and the future of ____________'s and ___________'s love. - from a selection by Elizabeth Banks
1.6. Assembled friends, witnesses to the miracle of love, out of affection for _______ and __________, we have gathered together to touch them with out hearts and our hopes, as they speak their love for and commitment to each other.
To this moment they bring the fullness of their hearts, a treasure to be shared. They bring dreams that pierce their souls, a personality and a spirit, uniquely their own, and out of which, we pray, will grow the reality of their togetherness.
We greet you on behalf of _________ and __________, their parents and families, and call upon you to support them in their sacred resolve and to share this and all the joys God will bestow upon them. -from a contemporary Jewish wedding
2.1.0. Invocation (optional)
2.1.1. God, author and giver of all that is good, we ask that you look with favor on this ceremony and bless those assembled here. May the holiness of this moment remain with ____________ and __________ through a lifetime of living as they walk together in faith, hope and love.
2.1.2. God of all beauty, source of all blessings, and giver of all mercies, we gather here, united by a common devotion. We give thanks for the trust and affection that have brought _________ and _________ to this place and hour to be joined together in holy matrimony. We rejoice in the freedom of adventure, in the depth of affection, and in the radiance of loyalty which unites beloved to beloved. Be with them as companion as they enter into their pilgrimage of faith, hope and love. Amen. -James Luther Adams, adapted
2.1.3. As we stand here at the altar of life, where life is touched by love, and love by life, we share with these two who are taking their marriage vows, their newfound happiness. We see the door open for comradeship and mystery, for growth and fulfillment.
So we pray that they may each bring their whole and best self to the other. May they bring intelligence as well as faith, to the task that is set before them May they maintain enduring trust and respect, remembering that to understand all is ever to forgive all. -James Zacharias
2.2.0. Chalice Lighting (a Unitarian Universalist tradition)
2.2.1. As the flame burns brightly in this chalice, may love brightly in our hearts.
2.2.2. May the light we now kindle inspire us to use our powers to heal and not to harm, to help and not to hinder, to bless and not to curse, to serve You, Spirit of Freedom.
-from a Passover Haggadah
2.2.3. Let this flame by to us a symbol of the holiness we seek; its brightness dispelling gloom, lighting a path to faith and hope; its glow reminding us of the sacred bonds which link us to all people. --from Gates of Prayer, adapted
Section 3.0. Question to the Couple
3.1 ____________ and _____________, of all the men and women you know, you have chosen each other. Knowing what you know of each other and trusting in what you do not know yet, are you now ready to marry? Bride & Groom: We are.
3.2. ___________ and _____________, have you come here freely and without reservation to give yourselves to each other in marriage? Bride & Groom: We have.
3.3. ___________, will you have _________ as your wife/husband, to live with her/him in love and loyalty from this moment forward? Response: I will.
3.4. Do you, ___________. of your own free will and consent take ____________ to be your wife/husband and do you promise to love, honor and cherish him/her for the rest of your life? Response: I do.
Section 4.0. Presenting of the Bride/Couple, Recognition of Families, Friends, and/or Children from a Previous Marriage
4.1.0. Presenting of the Bride/Couple
4.1.1. Who presents this woman to be married to this man?
Father of the bride: Her mother and I do.
4.1.2. As our sons and daughters find partners and establish the homes of the next generation, each family is enlarged. Do you, who have nurtured these two, bestow your blessings on their marriage? Parents: We do.
4.1.3. Will you, their parents, grant them your blessings and pledge them your love and acceptance? Parents: We will.
4.1.4. Do you stand with this couple to bestow the approval of their families and friends? Response: I/We do.
4.2.0. Recognition of Families/Friends
4.2.1. In the act of marriage the fabric of two families becomes interwoven. The resulting tapestry draws on the richness of traditions, memories, and relationships that have been nurtured for years. _____________ and _____________ lovingly recognize and thank their families for their blessings, love and acceptance.
4.2.2. Will the parents of the bride and groom please stand. In the act of marriage the fabric of two families becomes interwoven. The resulting tapestry draws on the richness of traditions, memories, and relationships that have been nurtured for years. Will you give ____________ and ____________ your love and support? Parents: We will.
4.2.3. At this time _________ and ____________ would like to honor their families and friends. To our parents: ___________ & ______________ and ____________& ___________, we thank you for the values you have us and the many sacrifices you made while raising us. You have been a source of inspiration in our lives, and we honor you today. To our friends gathered here, and to those who cannot be here, we value your friendship, and hope that these friendships will grow in the coming years.
4.2.4. Will both families please rise: At this time ___________ and __________ would like to give special recognition to their families. All of you have guided and encouraged ___________ and _____________ to this moment in their lives. You have passed onto them a richness of traditions, a lifetime of memories, and relationships that have been nurtured for years. Will you bestow upon them your blessings? Response: We will.
4.2.5. At this time, ___________ and ___________ wish to give special recognition to their families who have nurtured them and brought them to this time and place. _____________ and _____________ have come out of your family circles. They are living expressions of your love. They have been blessed by your affection and guided by your counsel. It is their desire to link your two family circles while honoring the heritage of each.
4.3.0. Recognition of Children from a Previous Marriage
4.3.1. Very much involved in __________'s and ___________'s love are these lovely children ____________ & _____________. They are a special part of this ceremony in themselves and in the family, already formed, that they symbolize. We wish for these children lives filled with love and happiness.
4.3.2. [Child's/children's name (s)], you have come with your mother/father for her/his marriage to ___________. Your life will be changed in untold ways by this moment. Do you say yes to this marriage, and do you welcome __________ as part of your family?
5.1.0. Scripture
5.1.1. Psalm 1, adapted by Stephen Mitchell
Blessed are the man and the woman
who have grown beyond themselves
and have seen through their separations.
They delight in the way things are
and keep their hearts open, day and night.
They are like trees planted near flowing rivers,
which bear fruit when they are ready.
Their leaves will not fall or whither.
Everything they do will succeed.
5.1.2. Psalm 128, adapted
Happy is everyone who loves the Lord,
who walks in his ways,
You shall eat the fruit of the labor
of your hands;
you shall be happy, and it shall
go well with you.
Your wife will be like a fruitful vine
within your house;
your children will be like olive shoots
around your table.
Thus shall the man be blessed
who loves the Lord.
5.1.3. Song of Solomon 8:6-7a
Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm;
for love is strong as death,
passion fierce as the grave.
Its flashes are flashes of fire,
a raging flame.
Many waters cannot quench love, neither can floods drown it.
5.1.4. Song of Solomon 2:8-14, 16a
The voice of my beloved!
Look, he comes,
leaping upon the mountains, bounding over the hills.
My beloved is like a gazelle or a young stag.
Look, there he stands behind our wall,
gazing in at the windows,
looking through the lattice.
My beloved speaks and says to me:
"Arise, my love, my fair one, and come away;
for now the winter is past, the rain is over and gone.
The flowers appear on the earth;
the time of singing has come,
and the voice of the turtledove
is heard in our land.
The fig tree puts forth its figs,
and the vines are in blossom;
they give forth fragrance.
Arise, my love, my fair one, and come away.
O my dove, in the clefts of the rock,
in the covert of the cliff,
let me see your face,
let me hear your voice;
for you voice is sweet, and your face is lovely.
My beloved is mine and I am his.
5.1.5 I Corinthians 13
If I speak in the tongues of mortals and angels, but do not have love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give away all my possessions, and if I hand over my body so that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; its is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never ends. But as for prophecies, they will come to an end; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will come to an end. When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I reasoned like a child; when I became an adult, I put an end to childish ways. For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then we will see face to face. Now I know only in part; then I will know fully, even as I have been fully known. And now faith, hope and love abide, these three; and the greatest of these is love.
5.2.0. Poetry
5.2.1. Sonnet 116, William Shakespeare
Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O, no! it is an ever-fix'd mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come;
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error, and upon me prov'd,
I never writ, not no... {one} ever lov'd.
5.2.2. by e.e. cummings
love is the voice under all silences;
the hope which has no opposite in fear;
the strength so strong mere force is feebleness;
the truth more first than sun more last than star.
5.2.3. "The Master Speed" by Robert Frost
No speed of wind or water rushing by
But you can have speed far greater. You can climb
Back up a stream of radiance to the sky,
And back through history up the stream of time.
And you were given this swiftness, not for haste
Nor chiefly that you may go where you will,
But in the rush of everything to waste,
That you may have the power of standing still--
Off any still or moving thing you say.
Two such as you with such a master speed
Cannot be parted not be swept away
From one another once you are agreed
That life is only life forevermore
Together wing to wing and oar to oar.
5.2.4. Untitled by Roy Croft
I love you/Not for what you are
But for what I am/When I am with you.
I love you/Not only for what
You have made of yourself
But for what /You are making of me.
I love you/For the part of me
That you bring out.
I love you
For putting your hand/Into my heaped-up heart
And passing over/All the foolish, weak things
That you can't help/Dimly seeing there,
And for drawing out/Into the light
All the beautiful belongings
That no one else has /Looked quite far enough to find.
I love you because you/Are helping me
To make of the lumber of my life
Not a tavern/But a temple;
Out of works of my every day
Not a reproach/But a song.
5.2.5 -from Sonnets from the Portuguese
by Elizabeth Barrett Browning
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of every day's
Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight.
I love thee freely, as {people}... strive for Right.
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints--I love thee with the breadth,
Smiles, tears, of all my life!...
5.2.6. -from "The Country of Marriage" by Wendell Berry
...our life reminds me
of a forest in which there is a graceful clearing
and in that opening a house,
an orchard and garden,
comfortable shades, and flowers...
The forest is mostly dark, its ways
to be made anew day after day, the dark
richer than the light and more blessed,
provided we stay brave
enough to keep on going in...
5.2.7. -from "Rabbi Ben Ezra" by Robert Browning
Grow old along with me!
The best is yet to be,
The last of life, for which the first was made:
Our times are in his hand
Who saith, "A whole I planned,
Youth shows but half; trust God: see all, not be afraid!"...
5.2.9. -from "Song for a Country Wedding" by William Jay Smith
We have come in the winter
To this warm country room,
The family and friends
Of the bride and the groom,
To bring them our blessing,
To share their joy,
And to hope that years passing the best measures employ
To protect their small clearing,
And their love be enduring
5.2.11. -from "The Divine Comedy" by Dante
translated by Stephen Mitchell
The Love of God, unutterable and perfect,
flows into a pure soul they way that light
rushes into a transparent object.
The more love that it finds, the more it gives
itself; so that, as we grow clear and open,
the more complete the joy of loving is.
And the more souls who resonate together,
the greater the intensity of their love,
for, mirror-like, each soul reflects the others.
5.3.0. Prose
5.3.1. -from Adam Bede by George Eliot
What greater thing is there for two human souls than to feel that they are joined for life, to strengthen each other in all labour, to rest on each other in all sorrow, to minister to each other in all pain, to be one with each other in silent memories...
5.3.2. -from Memories of Childhood and Youth by Albert Schweitzer
We are each a secret to the other. To know one another cannot mean to know everything about the other means to feel mutual affection and confidence, and to believe in one another. We must no try to force out way into the personality of another. To analyze other is a rude commencement, for there is a modesty of the soul which we must recognize just as we do to that of the body. No one has a right to say to another: "Because we belong to each other as we do, I have a right to know all your thoughts." No even a mother would treat her child in that way. All demands of this sort are foolish and unwholesome. In this matter giving is the only valuable process; it is only giving that stimulates. Impart as much as you can of your spiritual being to those who are on the road with you, and accept as precious what comes back to you from them.
5.3.3 . -from Gift from the Sea by Anne Morrow Lindbergh
When you love someone you do no love them all the time, in exactly the same way, from moment to moment. It is an impossibility. It is even a lie to pretend to. And yet this is exactly what most of us demand. We have so little faith in the ebb and flow of life, of love, of relationships. We leap at the flow of the tide and resist in terror its ebb. We are afraid it will never return. We insist on permanency, on duration, on continuity; when the only continuity possibly, in life as in love, is in growth, in fluidity-in freedom, in the sense that the dancers are free, barely touching as they pass, but partners in the same pattern.
The only real security is not in owning or possessing, not in demanding or expecting, not in hoping, even. Security in a relationship lies neither in looking back to what it was in nostalgia, nor forward to what it might be in dread or anticipation, but living in the present relationship and accepting it as it is now. ...One must accept the security of the winged life, of the ebb and flow, of intermittency.
5.3.4. -from Gift from the Sea by Anne Morrow Lindbergh
A good relationship has a pattern like a dance and is built on some of the same rules. The partners do not need to hold on tightly, because they move confidently in the same pattern, intricate but gay and swift and free, like a country dance of Mozart's. To touch heavily would be to arrest the pattern and freeze the movement, to check the endlessly changing beauty of its unfolding. There is no place here for the possessive clutch, the heavy hand; only the barest touch in passing. Now arm in arm, not face to face, not back to back--it does not matter which. Because they know they are partners moving to the same rhythm, creating a pattern together, and being invisibly nourished by it.
The joy of such a pattern is not only the joy of creation or the joy of participation, it is also to joy of living in the moment. Lightness of touch and living in the moment are intertwined.
...When each partner loves so completely that they have forgotten to ask themselves whether or not they are loved in return; when they only know that they love and are moving to its music--then, and then only, are two people able to dance perfectly in tune to the same rhythm.
5.3.5. -from a selection by Theodore Parker
It takes years to marry completely two hearts, even of the most loving and well-assorted. A happy wedlock is a long falling in love. Young persons think love belongs only to the brown-haired and crimson-cheeked. So it does for its beginning. But the golden marriage is a part of love which the bridal day know nothing of.
A perfect and complete marriage, where wedlock is everything you could ask and the ideal marriage becomes actual, is not common, perhaps as rare as perfect personal beauty. Very few are married totally, and they only after some forty of fifty years of gradual approach and experiment.
Such a large and sweet fruit is a complete marriage that is needs a long summer to ripen in, and then a long winter to mellow and season in. But a real, happy marriage of love and judgment between a noble man and woman is one of the things so very handsome that if the sun were, as the Greek poets fabled, a god, he might stop the world and hold it still now and then, in order to look all day long on some example thereof, and feast his eyes on such a spectacle.
5.3.6. by Ralph Waldo Emerson, adapted from his essay "Love"
Love is the dawn of civility, and grace and passion remakes the world. It makes all things alive and significant. Every bird on the boughs of the trees sings now to his heart and soul. Almost, the notes are articulate. The clouds have faces and the trees, the weaving grass and the flowers have grown intelligent.
Love prays. It makes covenants with Eternal. The world rolls; the circumstances vary every hour. At last the lovers discover that all which drew them together--those once sacred features, that magical play of charms--had an intended end, like the scaffolding by which the house was built, and the enlarging of heart and soul, from year to year, is the real marriage.
Thus we are put in training for a love which continually grows. And we need not fear that we can lose anything by the progress of the soul. The soul may be trusted to the end. That which is so beautiful and attractive as these relations must be succeeded and supplanted only by what is more beautiful, and so on forever.
5.3.7. by A. Powell Davies
When two individuals meet, so do two private worlds. None of our private worlds is big enough for us to live a wholesome life in. We need the wider world of joy and wonder, of purpose and adventure, of toil and tears. What are we, any of us, but strangers and sojourners forlornly wandering through the nighttime, until we draw together and find the meaning of our lives in one another, dissolving our fears in each other's courage, making music together, and lighting torches to guide us through the dark? We belong together. Love is what we need. To love and to be loved. Let our hearts be open; and what we would receive from others, let us give. For what is given still remains to bless the giver--when the gift is love.
5.3.8 -from The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupery, adapted
"Come and play with me," proposed the little prince.
"I cannot play with you," the fox said, "I am not tamed."
"What does that mean, tame?"
"It is an act too often neglected," said the fox. "It means to establish ties... if you tame me, then we shall need each other. To me, you shall be unique in all the world. To you, I shall be unique in all the world... One only understands the things that one tames... If you want a friend, tame me..."
"What must I do to tame you?" asked the little prince.
"You must be patient," replied the fox. "First you will sit down at a little distance from me--like that--in the grass. I shall look at you out of the corner of my eye, and will say nothing. Words are the source of misunderstandings. Bur you must sit a little closed to me, every day... {and you must} come back at the same hour. ...if you come at just any time, I shall never know at what hour my heart is to be ready to greet you.... One must observe the proper rites."
So the prince tamed the fox.... [It was then that the fox shared a secret with the little prince].
"And now here is my secret, {said the fox} a very simple secret: it is only with the heart that one can see rightly, what is essential is invisible to the eye."
5.4.0. Miscellaneous Selections
5.4.1. -from The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran
You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.
You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days.
Ay, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.
Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.
Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping,
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.
5.4.2. -from Jesus by Kahlil Gibran
Love is a sacred mystery.
To those who love, it remains forever wordless;
But to those who do not love, it may be but a heartless jest.
Love is a gracious host to its guests though to the
unbidden its house is a mirage and a mockery.
Love is a night where candles burn in space,
Love is a dream beyond our reaching;
Love is a noon where all shepherds are at peace and
happy that their flocks are grazing;
Love is an eventide and a stillness, and a homecoming;
Love is a sleep and a dream.
When love become vast, love becomes wordless.
And when memory is overladen it seeks the silent deep.
5.4.3. by Rabindranath Tagore
Send us the love which is cool and pure, like the rain that blesses the thirsty earth and fills
the homely earthen jars.
Send us the love that would soak down into the center of being, and from there would spread like the unseen sap through the branching tree of life, giving birth to fruits and flowers.
Send us the love that keeps the heart still with the fullness of peace.
5.4.4. By Mehere BaBa, contemporary holy man from India
Love springs spontaneously from within, but although love can never be forced from or upon another, it can be awakened through love itself. Essentially, love is self communicative: those who do not have it catch it from those who have it, for one cannot absorb love without making a response. Regardless of the barnacles which may cover a person, the response is stamped by the nature of love. The secret of true love is that it is unconquerable and irresistible. Even the one who resists its approach is lost as he springs to plug the hole through which it is flowing past the walls of his heart. It races behind him, and he turns only in time to find himself surrounded and borne aloft on its irresistible might. True love gathers power and spreads itself until it transforms everyone it touches. Humanity will attain to a new mode of life through the unhampered interplay of pure love as it spreads from heart to heart.
5.4.5. -from the Mahamangala Sutta
These words are from the teachings of Buddha:
Not to follow after the foolish, but to follow the wise, and to honor those who are worthy of honor--this is the highest blessing.
To dwell in a pleasant spot, to have done good deeds in the past, to have set oneself in the right path--this the highest blessing.
To have much learning, to be skilled in handcrafts, well trained in discipline, and pleasing speech--this is the highest blessing.
To be generous in giving, righteous in living, to cherish family and friends, and to do deeds that bring no blame--this is the highest blessing.
To shun evil, to refrain from excess and to be steadfast in virtue--this is the highest blessing.
To be respectful and humble, contented and graceful, and to listen to the Dhamma at the proper times--this is the highest blessing.
Self control, a holy life, discernment of the Noble Truths, and of one's own self to know the goal--this is the highest blessing.
A mind untouched by wordly things, a heart that transcends sorrow, a heart secure and liberated from fear--this is the highest blessing.
5.3.7. by A. Powell Davies
When two individuals meet, so do two private worlds. None of our private worlds is big enough for us to live a wholesome life in. We need the wider world of joy and wonder, of purpose and adventure, of toil and tears. What are we, any of us, but strangers and sojourners forlornly wandering through the nighttime, until we draw together and find the meaning of our lives in one another, dissolving our fears in each other's courage, making music together, and lighting torches to guide us through the dark? We belong together. Love is what we need. To love and to be loved. Let our hearts be open; and what we would receive from others, let us give. For what is given still remains to bless the giver--when the gift is love.
5.3.8 -from The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupery, adapted
"Come and play with me," proposed the little prince.
"I cannot play with you," the fox said, "I am not tamed."
"What does that mean, tame?"
"It is an act too often neglected," said the fox. "It means to establish ties... if you tame me, then we shall need each other. To me, you shall be unique in all the world. To you, I shall be unique in all the world... One only understands the things that one tames... If you want a friend, tame me..."
"What must I do to tame you?" asked the little prince.
"You must be patient," replied the fox. "First you will sit down at a little distance from me--like that--in the grass. I shall look at you out of the corner of my eye, and will say nothing. Words are the source of misunderstandings. Bur you must sit a little closed to me, every day... {and you must} come back at the same hour. ...if you come at just any time, I shall never know at what hour my heart is to be ready to greet you.... One must observe the proper rites."
So the prince tamed the fox.... [It was then that the fox shared a secret with the little prince].
"And now here is my secret, {said the fox} a very simple secret: it is only with the heart that one can see rightly, what is essential is invisible to the eye."
5.4.0. Miscellaneous Selections
5.4.1. -from The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran
You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.
You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days.
Ay, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.
Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.
Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping,
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.
5.4.2. -from Jesus by Kahlil Gibran
Love is a sacred mystery.
To those who love, it remains forever wordless;
But to those who do not love, it may be but a heartless jest.
Love is a gracious host to its guests though to the
unbidden its house is a mirage and a mockery.
Love is a night where candles burn in space,
Love is a dream beyond our reaching;
Love is a noon where all shepherds are at peace and
happy that their flocks are grazing;
Love is an eventide and a stillness, and a homecoming;
Love is a sleep and a dream.
When love become vast, love becomes wordless.
And when memory is overladen it seeks the silent deep.
5.4.3. by Rabindranath Tagore
Send us the love which is cool and pure, like the rain that blesses the thirsty earth and fills
the homely earthen jars.
Send us the love that would soak down into the center of being, and from there would spread like the unseen sap through the branching tree of life, giving birth to fruits and flowers.
Send us the love that keeps the heart still with the fullness of peace.
5.4.4. By Mehere BaBa, contemporary holy man from India
Love springs spontaneously from within, but although love can never be forced from or upon another, it can be awakened through love itself. Essentially, love is self communicative: those who do not have it catch it from those who have it, for one cannot absorb love without making a response. Regardless of the barnacles which may cover a person, the response is stamped by the nature of love. The secret of true love is that it is unconquerable and irresistible. Even the one who resists its approach is lost as he springs to plug the hole through which it is flowing past the walls of his heart. It races behind him, and he turns only in time to find himself surrounded and borne aloft on its irresistible might. True love gathers power and spreads itself until it transforms everyone it touches. Humanity will attain to a new mode of life through the unhampered interplay of pure love as it spreads from heart to heart.
5.4.5. -from the Mahamangala Sutta
These words are from the teachings of Buddha:
Not to follow after the foolish, but to follow the wise, and to honor those who are worthy of honor--this is the highest blessing.
To dwell in a pleasant spot, to have done good deeds in the past, to have set oneself in the right path--this the highest blessing.
To have much learning, to be skilled in handcrafts, well trained in discipline, and pleasing speech--this is the highest blessing.
To be generous in giving, righteous in living, to cherish family and friends, and to do deeds that bring no blame--this is the highest blessing.
To shun evil, to refrain from excess and to be steadfast in virtue--this is the highest blessing.
To be respectful and humble, contented and graceful, and to listen to the Dhamma at the proper times--this is the highest blessing.
Self control, a holy life, discernment of the Noble Truths, and of one's own self to know the goal--this is the highest blessing.
A mind untouched by wordly things, a heart that transcends sorrow, a heart secure and liberated from fear--this is the highest blessing.
Section 6.0. Homily
The minister delivers a short address to you about your relationship and marriage.
Section 7.0 Special Ceremonies (optional)
7.1.0. Unity Candle )
7.1.1. These two candles symbolize the love and warmth that you bring to each other. As you would share the light of your life with each other, now light a candle together. May your marriage, like this candle, shine brightly. May your life be so bright and shining that darkness retreats as you journey together.
(As Emerson said, "From within or from behind, a light shines through us upon things and makes us aware that we are nothing, but the light is all.")
7.1.2. From the separateness of their families, upbringing, experiences and values these two have come. Bringing what is unique about them to this moment, they light this candle as a symbol of a new unity of purpose and shared life even in the midst of their individual lives.
7.1.3. When two people get married, they bring heretofore separate lives and histories to bear on a new and shared existence. Henceforth, a new unity of shared experience will enrich their lives. They light this candle to symbolize the unity of their marriage.
7.1.4. From every human being there rises a light that reaches straight to heaven. And when two souls that are destined to be together find each other, their streams of light flow together, and a single brighter light goes forth from their united being.
-from the Baal Shem Tov
7.2.0. Wine Ceremony (Choose one or more)
7.2.1. Throughout the ages, wine has been used for celebration. At many times and among many peoples, wine has signified life, and a life of plenty. At many times and among many peoples, drinking wine from a common cup has been the mark of a deeper sharing. May you be blessed by life, and a life of plenty. May this cup of wine be a symbol of your lifelong communion of spirit, mind and being.
7.2.2. As the finest wine is composed of both the sweet and bitter, so too is life a mixture of sweetness and bitterness. As you share this cup, may you delight together in life's joy, and support each other in the face of sorrow. May the sharing of this wine be symbolic of the sharing of life that is to be your now and forever more.
7.2.3. Like many Jewish grooms have done throughout the centuries, _________ will break this wine glass under his heel at the end of this ceremony. Let the shattering of the glass symbolize the irrevocable commitment made here tonight.
Groom: I offer this cup of life to you, to share in all of its sorrows and joys.
Bride: I share this cup of life with you, that we may partake of a common life together.
At the end of the wedding ceremony: The groom crushes the glass (wrapped in cloth) with his foot. "In accordance with ancient tradition, we wish that the years of your marriage be not less than the time it would take to fit these fragments together again." OR "Break now the cup of your past and enter your new life together in marriage." (The benediction precedes the breaking of the glass.)
7.2.6. We give you praise to You, Lord, Master of our destinies, Who has created the fruit of the vine.
As together you now drink from this cup, so may you, under God's guidance, in perfect union and devotion to each other, draw contentment, comfort and felicity from the cup of life, and thereby may you find life's joys doubly gladdening, its bitterness sweetened, and all things hallowed by true companionship and love. -from a reformed Jewish wedding service
Section 8.0. Charge to the Couples/Vows
8.1.0. Charge to the Couple (choose one)
8.1.1. The vows that _______ and _______ now exchange give voice and form to their commitment to each other. May their covenant endure.
8.1.2. As you stand here in the presence of God, remember that no other ties are more tender, no other vows more sacred than those you now assume.
8.1.3. You are about to enter into a union which is most sacred and most serious, requiring of those who enter into it a complete and unreserved giving of self. It will bind you together for life in a relationship so close and so intimate that it will profoundly affect your whole future.
That future, with its hopes and disappointments, its successes and its failures, its pleasures and its pains, its joys and its sorrows, is hidden from your eyes.
Love can make it easier, and perfect love can make it a joy. May, then, this love with which you join you hands and hearts never fail, but grow deeper and stronger as the years go on.
-from Exhortation Before Marriage, Collectio Rituum
8.1.3. ___________ and ___________, your separate paths of life join now in a single pathway.
I ask you both (as you stand in the presence of God) to remember that love, loyalty, and understanding alone avail as the foundation of a happy and enduring marriage. So let kind speech and gentle manners and faith and confidence and encouragement keep your love alive. If your vows be kept intact, and if you take seriously your declaration of love, your lives will indeed be full of joy, and the home you are establishing will abide in peace.
-an adaptation by Roger Paine from Methodist and Quaker services
8.1.5. What does it mean to promise to love? It is not to pretend to know with certainty what the future holds. Rather, it is to recognize that you lives together lie open before you, full of risk and possibility, and to commit yourselves, half-sure and whole-hearted, to loving one another, now and in the future. -Allan Zuckoff
8.2.0. Vows (choose one)
(These vows can be recast into the form of a question to which the response would be either I do or I will.)
My pride in you is unsurpassed, and the happiness that you bring to me is unending. You are like a precious gift that keeps on giving. You have fulfilled my life in unique and wonderful ways. I know that I can count on you, for you are helpful, dependable and trustworthy. Your smiles and laughter light up my days, and there's no one else I'd rather spend time with. I wish I could give you everything you could ever want. But all I can promise you is my love, unconditional, complete and forever.
8.2.1. I___________,take you,___________to be my wife/husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part OR as long as we both shall live.
8.2.2.I,___________ take you, _________, to be no other than yourself. Loving what I know of you, trusting what I don't yet know, with respect for your integrity, and faith in your abiding love for me, through all our years, and in all that life may bring us, I accept you as my wife/husband. -Student Religious Liberals
8.2.3. I, _________, take you, ___________, to be the wife/husband of my days, to be the mother/father of my children, to be the companion of my home. We shall keep together whatever share of trouble and sorrow our lives may lay upon us, and we shall hold together our store of goodness and plenty and love. -Kenneth Patton, adapted
8.2.4.
Will you, __________, choose ____________ to be your friend and your love? Will you affirm the relationship you have enjoyed, and look to the future to keep and strengthen it? Will you be hers/his in plenty and want, in sickness and in health, in failure and in triumph? Will you restore her/him if she/he falls; will you share all things; will you cherish and respect her/him; comfort and encourage her/him; be open with her/him; and remain with her/him for as long as you both shall live? Groom/Bride: I will with all my heart.
8.2.5. I, __________, choose you, __________, to be my wife/husband--my friend, my love, the mother/father of our children. I will be yours in plenty and want, in sickness and in health, in failure and triumph. I will cherish you and respect you, comfort and encourage you, and together we shall live, freed and bound by our love. -from a contemporary Jewish wedding.
Section 9.0 Ring Ceremony
9.1.0. Presentation of the Ring(s) (choose one)
9.1.1. What symbols do you offer that you will fulfill these vows?
Bride & Groom: This ring/These rings.
9.1.2. What tokens have you brought with which to pledge your love?
Bride & Groom: This ring/These rings.
9.2.0. Blessing of the Ring (s) (optional) (choose one)
9.2.1. Love is of God; and by the love with which these rings are given and received they shall be blessed.
9.2.2. May the Lord bless these rings which you give to each other as sign of your love and fidelity.
9.2.3. May these rings be a symbol of your faith in each other. May they always remind you of your love, each for the other.
9.2.4. Not as a bond but as a pledge, may these rings encircle your fingers, as your love does each other.
9.3.0. The Meaning of the Ring(s) as a Symbol of the Vows (choose one)
9.3.1. The circle is the symbol of the sun and the earth and the universe. It is a symbol of holiness and of perfection and of peace. In these rings it is the symbol of unity, in which your two lives are now joined in one unbroken circle, in which, wherever you go, you will always return unto one another to your togetherness. -Kenneth Patton
9.3.2. A circle is the symbol of the earth and the universe, of wholeness and perfection and peace. The rings you give and receive this day are the symbols of the endless love into which you enter as husband and wife.
9.3.3. May these rings be forever symbolic of the unbroken circle of love. Love freely given has no beginning and no end, no give and no receiver - for each is the giver and each is the receiver. May these rings remind you always of the vows you have made here today.
-Rudolph W. Nemser (adapted)
9.3.4. May these rings be symbols of the love and devotion that you share. May they remind you of the beauty of the universe and of the gift of your life together. As in the circle of the ring, may your love encircle each other.
9.3.5. The band of gold is a symbol of the purity and sacredness of marriage. The ring, from ancient times, has been a symbol of eternity. So may your marriage be eternally filled with love and mutual respect.
9.3.6. These wedding rings are an outward and visible sign of an inward and spiritual grace, signifying unto all the uniting of this man and this woman in holy matrimony.
9.4.0. Pledge (said as rings are exchanged) (Choose one)
9.4.1. With this ring I thee wed, and join my life with yours.
9.4.2. With this ring I thee wed, and with it I pledge my honor, my love and my life.
-E. Edward Latham
9.4.3. Please accept this ring as a symbol of my love.
9.4.4. This ring I give in token of the loving covenant made this day between us.
Section 10.0 Prayer or Concluding Statement (Choose one)
10.1.0. Prayer
10.1.1. God of Grace and Compassion, we pray for harmony and creativity as well as for love and laughter in their life together; and when there is pain, may there be peace that passes not away. We pray for joy that they will share with other people, and for their home; may it be a temple for that which is beautiful and good and true. As they share the richer experiences of life, so may their hearts and minds and souls be knit ever more closely together. And yet may their bonds of sympathy strengthen their separate personalities. We pray for courage for them when the road is rough, and for humility when fortune favors them. May they carry the past gratefully with them in all the years of their sojourn, and with an equal measure of hope ever face and future unafraid. Amen.
- Dana McLean Greeley
10.1.2. Dear God, support _______ and _______ in keeping the covenant that they have made. Help them to be a blessing and a comfort to each other: to share joy, to console in sorrow and to help each other in all the challenges of life. May they give encouragement in whatever each sets out to achieve. As they trust each other, may they trust life and be not afraid. May they not only express and accept affection between themselves, but may they also have affection and compassion for others. May their knowledge of love deepen as they grow in their relationship with each other and with You. Amen.
10.1.3. Spirit of Life and Love, may these two souls find a communion of ideal being and perfect grace. May their love reach the level of every day's most quiet need. By sun and candlelight, may they love freely as those who strive for right. May they love purely as those who turn from praise. May they find strength to meet adversity; tolerance to resist prejudice; reverence for all that is beautiful; respect for the truth; and faith to met the uncertainty which will come their way. May their days together be strong in promise, full of beauty and blessed with love. Amen.
-from Charles White McGehee and Elizabeth Barrett Browning (adapted)
10.1.5. Out of this tangled world, O God, you have drawn together these two souls, and bound them firmly with the swift sure bonds of love. Their destinies shall now be woven of one design, and their sorrows and their joys shall not be now apart. As they grow in mutual understanding, may their joy stand triumphantly against the storms of circumstance which beat against all doors. From the rich encouragement of their love, may they complete together the unfinished pattern of their true selves. Even as they have chosen each other from all those they have known, so let the days and years of their togetherness deepen the joy of that choice, and make it abidingly true. Amen. -Samuel Miller (adapted)
The prayer may be followed by the Lord's prayer if desired.
10.2.0. Concluding Statement (used in place of a prayer)
10.2.1. Today we are privileged to share with _______ and _______ a moment of supreme joy in the new life they will begin together. It is not our time for exultation, but theirs. Yet we would speak our hopes for them.
In the years ahead may their wisdom be steadily increased, that they may always apply tenderness and strength to the trials they encounter. May they never allow the passage of time to dull the sense of love and devotion they now share.
When new lives are added to the fellowship which is their home, may they give thanks for the blessing of a child and bring it to the fullness of its promise by the same light which not glows in them.
And may they look beyond the limits of their own existence to the world, realizing its just claim upon them. For no marriage can be made complete until a portion of its end is directed toward the ennoblement of humanity. -Anonymous
10.2.2. _______ and ________, may you know great love together. May you strengthen one another in all sorrow, share with one another in all gladness, and be companions to each other in times of the silent and the unspoken. May you bring your whole selves each to the other, that you may have the grace, the skill, and the patience to walk hand in hand and heart in heart upon the journey of life together. May your home help to make the world more homelike; and should you be lost in a maze of circumstance, may there be for you both a way back to the tenderness and beauty of a life together. May the abiding joy that fills those who truly love fill you as well, both now and ever. -J. Donald Johnston (adapted)
10.4.5May the love which has brought you together continue to grow and enrich your lives, bring peace and inspiration to each of you and to those who know you. May you meet with courage the problems that arise to challenge you; may you meet with strength the troubles that beset you. May your marriage be one of ever-growing depth, meaning, and perfection, because of the sympathy, understanding and love which you give to one another in the life you share. -James D. Hunt
Section 11.0 Declaration of Marriage
11.2.1. For as much as _______ and _______ have consented together in wedlock and have witnessed the same before us, have pledged themselves to each other and have declared the same by giving and receiving a ring, I pronounce that they are husband and wife.
11.2.2. _______ and _______ have chosen one another form the many men and women of the earth, have declared their love and purpose before this gathering, and have made their pledges each to the other. Therefore I declare that they are husband and wife.
11.2.3. By virtue of the words spoken in celebration of your relationship, I now pronounce you (husband and wife OR married).
11.2.4. _______ and _______ have spoken their vows to one another, exchanged rings (and taken from the wine of life). They have made their commitment together with much joy. May all that life brings them strengthen the bond they have declared this day. May all their loved ones, those present, and those here in spirit only, continue to rejoice in the warmth of the love that has united them. By the witness of all gathered here, I now declare you husband and wife.
11.2.5. (In Unison by the Congregation) We have gathered today in friendship and in love to celebrate the love which has brought you together and the love which unites us all. May your joy together be great and deep, and may you provide comfort to one another in times of sorrow. With great affection we pronounce you husband and wife.
Section 12.0. Benediction (choose one)
12.1. May the God of love, beauty, and truth, who abides in all and sustains all that is alive and real, be with you both, now and forever more. Amen. -Paul H. Beattie
12.2. The peace beyond understanding, the peace of God, which the world can neither give nor take away, be among us all, and abide in our hearts. Amen.
12.3. May the Lord bless you and keep you. May the Lord make his face to shine upon you and be gracious unto you. May the Lord lift up the light of his countenance upon you and give you peace, now and forever. Amen. Numbers 6: 24-26 (adapted)
12.4. May the blessings of God rest upon you. May God's peace abide with you. May God's presence illuminate your hearts, now and forever more. Amen. -from a Sufi blessing
12.5. May you be comfort and joy, counsel and strength to each other. May the home you create shed its peace upon you both and upon all who enter its shelter with you. Amen.
12.6. Now you will feel no rain,
for each of you will be shelter to the other.
Now you will feel no cold,
for each of you will be warmth to the other.
Now there is no loneliness for you,
now there is no more loneliness,
Now you are two persons,
but there is only one life before you.
Go now to your dwelling place
to enter the days of your years together.
And may your days be good and long upon the earth. -Apache prayer
12.7. May the road rise to meet you.
may the wind always be at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
And the rains fall soft upon your fields.
And through all the days of your life together
May God hold you in the palm of His hand. -Irish Blessing, adapted
12.9. May you carry love forward. May love carry you forward.
Followed by the wedding kiss and the recessional.
Contact Brian to discuss arrangements for your wedding: 540-212-1480 Over 25 years of celebrant experience in the Mid-Atlantic Region.